Mama's in her happy place :)

We are praising God in the Thompson house this week, to say the least!

This past Monday, we went to see Dr. Zink  (our MFM/perinatologist) for Tate's anatomy ultrasound. Because we hadn't seen him since a brief "unofficial" peek at 15 weeks, we anticipated that his omphalocele would be considerably larger now that he was 19 weeks. At the last one, we saw several loops of bowel outside of his belly, just two weeks after discovering his omphalocele as a tiny bump on his bellybutton. Since there was such a huge change in the first two weeks, we thought surely he would have quite a bit out by now.

Well, wouldn't you know that the ultrasound tech was shaking her head and asking if we were sure he was diagnosed with an omphalocele officially. Tate's omphalocele has shrunk so much that it is now just a little "knuckle" of small intestine looped into his bellybutton! Later, Dr. Zink came in and we talked about how great he looks. She said she deals with many omphalocele babies and she had only ever had one other one who did this well. She was expecting his omphalocele to be roughly the size of his head, and instead it is about 6 x 9 centimeters. What an amazing God knitting my little boy together to be exactly who he is meant to be!

We also found out that I have an anterior placenta, which means that it's serving as a cushion between him and my belly, and makes his little kicks hard to feel from the outside. That explains why I thought he was so quiet in there! Not to worry, I feel him practicing his little ninja moves on either side of the placenta for the majority of the day. He is cracking me up already!

At this point, it is a very real possibility that I will not have to deliver via c-section, which has done wonders for me mentally and emotionally. With Tate's sister, I really wanted a natural delivery, with no medical interventions or medications. I prepared as best I could, but the last three days of her pregnancy, I developed pre-eclampsia and my kidneys and liver began to shut down. Much to my disappointment, we had to induce for the safety of both of us, but it honestly ended up being the closest thing to what I wanted as possible, considering the circumstances. I did end up with an epidural towards the very end, but that was the only medication I received the entire time. (Which is really saying something if you know anything about labor induction!)

Naturally, I had my heart set on trying again with Tate. We hired a doula as soon as we found out I was pregnant, and started dreaming of achieving the natural birth that is so important to me. Then when I found out I was going to be stuck with a c-section, my heart sank and has kinda stayed there, in a way, ever since. Since Monday, I feel like I am back in my pregnancy happy place like I was throughout my last one. My excitement about the day I get to meet Tate has multiplied exponentially now that I don't have major abdominal surgery hanging over my head. I realize there are certainly no guarantees, but I'm going to continue to pray and believe that the Lord will fulfill the desire in my heart to have a completely natural birth. Since I came so very, very close to it last time, I'm confident that I have the strength to see it through, provided no complications force my hand like last time. (Note to self: do NOT take Ambien if they offer it again! :) I am so proud of Tate already for how strong he has been and I want to show him that his Mama is strong, too!

Among all the great news we received, there is something that I want to ask for prayer about, though. Tate's bowel appeared to be very echogenic this ultrasound. Translation: it glows white on the ultrasound, which indicates something abnormal. Dr. Zink told us it's common to see that in babies who have swallowed blood at some point during the pregnancy (which is not that big of a deal), & the digested blood cells glow white inside the bowel. However, it is clear that his is not glowing because of what is in his bowel, but rather it's definitely the bowel itself... She will see us again on February 11th to see if anything has changed and will refer us out to the appropriate team of specialists at that time who will be taking care of Tate after he is born (pediatric surgeon, neonatologist, etc.) She said it could be that his bowel was damaged as it grew because of the omphalocele, and we will just continue to watch it as he develops. There is no real way to know what is wrong with it until after he is born, though.

Right now, looking at the small size of his omphalocele, we are most likely going to be blessed to have drastically reduced the amount of time Tate will be in the NICU, as well as the number of surgeries and their extent, and the complications with breathing and other functions that usually come with omphaloceles. However, if this echogenic bowel turns out to be something serious, that could require several surgeries of its own and really set him back. So, please pray with us throughout the rest of this pregnancy that his bowel will be healthy and fully functioning, and will not adversely affect him long term or require any surgical interventions.

We see our OBGYN Dr. Downey on Monday, where we will discuss our delivery plans more in depth. Have I mentioned how incredibly blessed we are to have a team of doctors who are not only trustworthy, skilled and well-researched, but put their faith in the same powerful God that we do? I couldn't recommend Dr. Zink and Dr. Downey more highly! They are worth every extra effort it takes to drive an hour or more to see them each time. Just had to say it!

That's all for now. :)

When God Says No

Last night, I was sitting at our community group, and a conversation was sparked about how and why we pray when we are asking God for the impossible, such as a physical healing. I began to think about whether I truly believe that God will heal Tate's omphalocele. I was almost immediately flooded with memories of how far God has brought my family and I, even in the last few years. You see, Tate has an older sister who is currently nine months old. Before she lit up our world with her joyful little smiles, we went through a difficult year and a half of trying to get pregnant....miscarrying....trying again....miscarrying again....and so on. Each time I got pregnant, I found myself pleading with God to let this baby be the one who hung in there and came home from the hospital with us. And three times, His answer was no.

Since we shared Tate's diagnosis with the world, we have been overwhelmed with support and prayers. Many who are believers have been praying for a miraculous healing for Tate, and I can't begin to express how much that means to me. I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but I really don't think that He will. Let me explain...

It's not that I don't believe that God CAN heal Tate. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have personally experienced the power of God miraculously healing my body. Both times, the doctors were concerned that I had cancer. In fact, at the age of 18, I was one doctor visit away from starting chemotherapy when my blood results had been coming back wrong on a weekly basis for months on end with no explanation or solution in sight. I went in for one last test and set the next appointment which was supposed to be a consultation for starting chemotherapy drugs. I was two weeks into my first semester of college, halfway across the country from my family. I prayed that God would heal me, because I truly felt that I was being obedient to His will by enrolling in this school and uprooting my life. The results came back and my doctor called to cancel my appointment, because everything about my lab report was perfect after they had been off the charts for so long. She stuttered and stammered through her lack of a medical explanation and offered me her incredulous congratulations. Of course, I knew the true explanation. That is just one snippet of a long love story that consists of God showing me over and over again that He is faithful, He will never leave me, and His grace and power spans farther than I could ever imagine. I say all this to say... I have no doubt in my mind that if God decided to, He could heal Tate completely without batting an eye.

But as I look over my life, I see that it was the times when God said no and did not bring the healing or perform the miracle that His power was on display far more than I ever realized at the time. It was the days and weeks that I spent weeping over my three children I never got to meet, and so many other seemingly unanswered prayers, that built my faith and trust in Him and enabled me to one day be used to speak into the lives of parents who lost their children or others who have faced circumstances that seem insurmountable. I am gifted to minister out of a place of brokenness more than any amount of Bible college could ever equip me with. God's plan for my life is bigger than my comfort and convenience.

Would I be thrilled to see the Lord make all of these troubles go away? Absolutely! But I believe with all my heart that God is going to use Tate's life and story to make a difference, because His purpose for this little boy's life is much bigger than I can understand right now in simple human terms. Not because He can't heal him, but because, like any loving father, He knows when to say no.

Much to learn.

Since we launched earlier this week, I have been so encouraged and blessed by the outpouring of love, support and prayers by our amazing friends and family. We are so lucky to have you all in our lives. THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart!

The more time passes and the stronger Tate grows, the more I am aware of how totally "in over our heads" we are. I have laughingly wondered aloud if God is really sure that we can handle this. I know He picked us to be Tate's parents and His grace is made perfect in our weaknesses but sometimes I wonder if there isn't someone else out there who might have been better for the job :) Either way, as totally unprepared as we are, I am still so excited and looking forward to the day we get to meet this little guy! And we are determined to rise to the occasion and make sure Tate gets the absolute best care and support available.

The logistics of Tate's birth and subsequent care are very much touch and go. So much of "the plan" can't actually be planned until right before he comes, which is a temptation to stress for a planner/list-maker like me. 

The reason for this is because as Tate grows, his intestines will continue to grow out of his abdomen more and more. A big determining factor in how things will go as far as his birth is concerned is whether or not his liver also comes out. We won't know the extent of inside vs. outside until basically a week or so before he is born, unless it comes out before then. Once something has come out, it's extremely unlikely it will go back in during gestation. 

Another big factor in Tate's care after his birth will be his lungs. Because his intestines are outside the abdomen during his development, his lungs will most likely develop longer and skinnier than normal. How well he does with breathing on his own will definitely affect when he will be able to have surgery, eat, go home from the NICU, etc.

Here is what we do know about his birth right now: Tate will be born via scheduled c-section at Medical Center of Plano. Right now, the plan is to take him at 38 weeks, which would be June 3rd. That could easily change based on what we see on ultrasounds, or if he decides to come early like many omphalocele babies do.  He will be in the NICU at the very least until his breathing is stabilized and he is able to at least have a feeding tube, because he will be nourished by IV fluids until we can verify that his intestines are working and digesting by doing a test run of breastmilk.

We have our anatomy ultrasound coming up on January 21st, and that will give us much more information about where his liver is, how his heart is doing, how much more has come out since the last ultrasound, etc. We will also hopefully verify that we will stay at Med Plano as planned, and get referrals to our neonatal surgeon and the rest of our team of doctors outside of Dr. Zink and my OB-GYN Dr. Downey. I'm looking forward to seeing his sweet little face again! :)

The Start of Something New

About a month ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with searing pain in my lower abdomen. Having had three miscarriages, I feared the worst as I woke my husband up at 4 am and made him drive me to the emergency room. So many things were running through my head as I began to think about how far along I was, whether the baby was ok, and whether or not I could have any pain medication that would not hurt the baby. Several hours later, I left still in pain and with pretty much no explanation as to why I was hurting so badly I could barely breathe. They did reassure me that the baby was fine, but it wouldn't be until three more doctors and emergency rooms tried their best to guess what was going on that we would find out that I had a torsion of my right ovary, which had to be surgically removed immediately.
While getting yet another ultrasound during this process, this time by our incredible high risk specialist Dr. Zink, we heard the news no parent ever wants to hear about their baby. "Birth defect", "chromosomal defects", "possibly incompatible with life", "NICU", "neonatal surgery".... It felt like I was having an out of body experience. This can't really be happening to us, to our baby. We were told that Tate has a birth defect called an omphalocele, which in layman's terms means that his intestines/internal organs are protruding from his belly button. He will require surgery shortly after his birth and we can expect at least a month's stay in the NICU. At this point, we had chosen to decline all genetic testing because we would not terminate a baby regardless of a diagnosis. Dr. Zink explained to us that omphalocele babies have a 50% likelihood of having a chromosomal issue like trisomy 13, 18 or 21. (2 of which are "incompatible with life") So, we did the MaterniT21 blood test and went home. The next several days, we did the only thing we knew to do... We prayed and waited and did our best to stay positive and prayed some more. By the time Dr. Zink called us with the results a week later, I already had complete peace that Tate was chromosomally normal. I don't know how to explain it other than I "just knew". Needless to say, we were overjoyed and to hear that this is an isolated issue and baby Tate will go on to have a normal life once we get past the first year or two of his life. Praise God for His faithfulness!
Since we were told about Tate's omphalocele, I have lived up to the nickname my husband coined during my pregnancy with my daughter of the Google Queen. I have scoured the internet and learned all kinds of things about different treatment methods, doctors, the impending c-section that I am utterly terrified of, feeding/digestion issues, development, and just about anything and everything else I could get my eyes on. The one thing that I could not find, though, was a source of support. Someone to say everything is going to be ok, that my omphalocele baby is going to be every bit as much of a blessing as my other children, that life goes on and is full and happy. Maybe that hasn't been everyone's experience, but being pregnant and knowing the road ahead is full of obstacles is enough to make any family stress out. That is why I decided to do this blog. To show that there is just as much joy and anticipation to be had, and that God is still good and still here. I just choose not to spend the next five months dreading the day that my precious boy is born.

I choose to trust God completely. In my life, I have personally experienced miraculous healings in my body that left doctors scratching their heads without a medical explanation. Time and time again, the Lord has proven Himself faithful to me and our family and I know He has not brought us this far to just leave us hanging. And I know that Tate's life will not be any different. I'm growing a miracle in my belly and I know just Who deserves all the credit.