Last night, I was sitting at our community group, and a conversation was sparked about how and why we pray when we are asking God for the impossible, such as a physical healing. I began to think about whether I truly believe that God will heal Tate's omphalocele. I was almost immediately flooded with memories of how far God has brought my family and I, even in the last few years. You see, Tate has an older sister who is currently nine months old. Before she lit up our world with her joyful little smiles, we went through a difficult year and a half of trying to get pregnant....miscarrying....trying again....miscarrying again....and so on. Each time I got pregnant, I found myself pleading with God to let this baby be the one who hung in there and came home from the hospital with us. And three times, His answer was no.
Since we shared Tate's diagnosis with the world, we have been overwhelmed with support and prayers. Many who are believers have been praying for a miraculous healing for Tate, and I can't begin to express how much that means to me. I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but I really don't think that He will. Let me explain...
It's not that I don't believe that God CAN heal Tate. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have personally experienced the power of God miraculously healing my body. Both times, the doctors were concerned that I had cancer. In fact, at the age of 18, I was one doctor visit away from starting chemotherapy when my blood results had been coming back wrong on a weekly basis for months on end with no explanation or solution in sight. I went in for one last test and set the next appointment which was supposed to be a consultation for starting chemotherapy drugs. I was two weeks into my first semester of college, halfway across the country from my family. I prayed that God would heal me, because I truly felt that I was being obedient to His will by enrolling in this school and uprooting my life. The results came back and my doctor called to cancel my appointment, because everything about my lab report was perfect after they had been off the charts for so long. She stuttered and stammered through her lack of a medical explanation and offered me her incredulous congratulations. Of course, I knew the true explanation. That is just one snippet of a long love story that consists of God showing me over and over again that He is faithful, He will never leave me, and His grace and power spans farther than I could ever imagine. I say all this to say... I have no doubt in my mind that if God decided to, He could heal Tate completely without batting an eye.
But as I look over my life, I see that it was the times when God said no and did not bring the healing or perform the miracle that His power was on display far more than I ever realized at the time. It was the days and weeks that I spent weeping over my three children I never got to meet, and so many other seemingly unanswered prayers, that built my faith and trust in Him and enabled me to one day be used to speak into the lives of parents who lost their children or others who have faced circumstances that seem insurmountable. I am gifted to minister out of a place of brokenness more than any amount of Bible college could ever equip me with. God's plan for my life is bigger than my comfort and convenience.
Would I be thrilled to see the Lord make all of these troubles go away? Absolutely! But I believe with all my heart that God is going to use Tate's life and story to make a difference, because His purpose for this little boy's life is much bigger than I can understand right now in simple human terms. Not because He can't heal him, but because, like any loving father, He knows when to say no.
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